Tuesday, August 23, 2011


SUNDAY, JULY 17, 2011


"Time is Come Next", Photography copyright 2011
Ultimately, the more you take responsibility for your life, the more you contribute to a balanced world. As I see it, everything is terribly out of balance and one of the reasons is that everyone blames everyone else and that so many see themselves as victims in relation to others. I myself know that I have to struggle very hard not to fall into victim mentality because a lot of the time I simply do not have much strength to resist it. At the same time, I can also see that trying hard to resist various states of mind isn't very helpful;  somehow you need to live through them and integrate whatever negative feeling that requires your attention. One can certainly become quite sick and tired of all the requirements that come from the outside as well as from within oneself. We ought to be so perfect but no one can be that way. There is so much one ought to prioritize! Not least taking care of the soul,  of the body/mind complex, through meditation practices. When do you have time for all this inner work? There is too much to consider and too many decisions to make... it can get you quite desperate as you're scurrying around in a viscous circle...
"Hope's strong and fragile nature," copyright 1998
For example, it is especially hard for those suffering from chronic diseases to maintain some sort of balance in a world where everything - socially, economically, physically and mentally - is out of balance. A simple example is that disability pensions are not in any relation to food prices, housing costs, inflation, etc. And many of those who work with issues of an financial nature on a larger scale are completely devoid of empathy and thoughtfulness. This is something I really got to know of when I moved to a small town, Hanko in Finland, and was forced to seek social assistance each month in order to survive. It was a horrible rumba where I felt controlled by officials who were not even trained social workers. It's one thing to take this resort as a temporary measure, as social aid is designed for temporary needs. It is altogether different when one is condemned to do so for the rest of one's  life when the national pension is too low. It was really much easier to survive back in the 90s. I could do art because I got some support from the state and society in general, and no one meddled with the way I chose to live my life. 

My creative juices don't flow as well anymore because there is too much mental and economic pressure. We are not eligible for social benefits (only tax credits) so I have no longer had to deal with that kind of stress. Yet we are still living below the poverty line. When I married, I was "punished by the Finnish state ; the "symbolic" sum of 68 euros per month was removed from my already minuscule pension. A sum which hardly makes a difference to the state, yet to me it means I have no "pocket money". Together, we try to take as much responsibility for our lives as we can ... but it is not easy for me to keep depression at bay. I do not have a lot of good advice as how to keep spirits up and take responsibility for one's own life. I guess it is best just to stay aware of one's own motives. Giving up some militaristic control can be a good idea -  as far as I can see it is something most people have trouble with. By the way, money does create happiness, you feel this acutely when you do not have it.

I do feel that the collective madness is reaching its peak ... we'll see how it goes.

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