FINDING ONE'S WAY BACK TO THE INNER SPACE

"The Blessing", copyright 2008

I have felt somewhat depressed that there seems to be no room for my art in today's world. For some reason, I have been ignored quite a bit recently and sometimes I'm no more than Martin's wife. A year ago, we curated a summer exhibition in Hanko in Finland together, but I received no mention. It was mostly because the Society's chairman is a moron. Similar situations have arisen a few times since then. I have also noticed and been told that women here in the UK are treated worse by other women than men are. I hope it just a coincidence that I often get overlooked. Martin argues that it takes a long time to become familiar to the media here in Wales. All social phenomena seem to take a long time - it's not really what I'm used to. Anyway, it feels odd that people have such scanty interest in a foreign artist.

I often have dreams about different homes I've lived in. They symbolize the inner room. In the dream I had last night I went home to a flat in an old house in a city. I had only occupied a small space for quite some time, but realized when I stepped into the house that it was actually quite large. The problem was that I shared with another woman whose name I could not remember. I also realized that she no longer used the house and that maybe I could take over altogether (apparently money wasn't a big problem at this stage). I tried to get her over the phone but her name was not the the same as the one on the door. I walked around the apartment and discovered how big it was, with both large and small rooms that invited to interesting arrangements. My mom asked me if the view was any good. There was quite a large window with small glass panels, and the view was not that interesting. I figured it didn't really matter if I was able to make the flat cozy. The wallpaper had been painted over in a nice way and the wooden floorboards were in good condition. 

The dream symbolizes the realization that I should try and eliminate all the anonymous artists that bother me from my mind, and try and do what I can do artistically without concerning myself so much with whatever happens outside of myself. The view was not so important - in other words, it is not so important what is going on outside of me. I have plenty of internal space to work in - there's a space full of possibilities. I must begin to remain in there in earnest. And so I am closing the door on me - hard.

"Noli Me Tangere" (Touch me not), copyright 2008

Spiritual perspective: In the inner space, you can at best find the void, the sea of creative potential that is the basis for our existence, from which creative ideas emerge. During the creative process one moves up and down different levels of consciousness.  At best, it's not just a question of fishing up material from the subconscious mind, but also to illuminate the process from a spiritual perspective. It is through awareness, mindfulness, that we can get in touch with the kind of creativity that makes a difference.