PLAYED ON BBC WALES!

My recent sound piece "Creativity Will Set You Free" was played on Adam Walton's show on BBC Radio Wales at prime time at 22 hrs on Saturday the 7th of June! Unfortunately the notification went to an inbox I hardly ever used, so I managed to miss it. It would have been nice to know if anything was said about it.

I also finished my last collage piece for "Project X" - it is also the last piece in which I use copyright free vintage engravings. I feel saturated with this kind of aesthetics and am thinking how to change direction. I have some ideas but will have to rearrange my workspace entirely. I will need to be able to stand up and will also require larger surfaces to work on.

"No One Sees No One Knows - I am Just a Cut-Out"
Collage with artist's self-portrait, copyright 2014

"No One Sees No One Knows - I am Just a Cut-Out" was a piece inspired by this year's Moma Wales Open theme "Myself" that I thought about for quite a long time. Yes it did get in. I'm glad I gave it time because in the end I decided to make the piece into an ironic comment about collaging flat images ("this is not me, only an image"), as well as the flatness of the way other people see you. In other words, it is all about surface and the sense of being disposable with little intrinsic value (at least in the eyes of those who hold the power within our society). External influences always threaten to break you ("snap you in two") when you're not able to hold your fort. This picture tells the story of a Catch22, that is of someone who is not able to show their ailments. These are invisible internal problems as well as the absence of correct shape.  In my case it's the feet as well as the spine, which have grown rather liberally like knotty tree branches. Of course fitting into ready made shoes and clothes is difficult, and really one should have everything customised if only one wasn't also very poor as a consequence of the illness.

What people don't see they don't understand, but if they did see it they probably wouldn't understand it anyway. So do you hide in shame or bravely show your most personal source of  embarrassment? I think we know the answer - when we are not strong, we probably shouldn't subject our most vulnerable selves to public scrutiny and should probably only talk about the issues in covert ways.

WATER - METAPHOR FOR CREATIVE POTENTIAL

A while ago, I tried to tackle the difficult task of setting images to my first piece of music. I didn't want the imagery to compete with the music, so it had to be quite simple. In the end I decided upon some footage I had of waves crashing on the shore in Aberystwyth. To my dismay, the technical quality wasn't quite up to scratch. Granted my camera doesn't take fantastic videos but this was worse than I expected. The reason seems to be that water has complicated nuances and shades, that are forever changing, and the camera simply cannot keep up with this kind of fluid subject matter. I thought I could cover it all up during the processing phase but after a few day's work I was still dissatisfied.

I did a great deal to the footage in cutting out the best pieces and applying subtle effects, and though I can now see that it inspired creative solutions, it was still a disheartening process. I also had to endure terribly long rendering times due to heavy effects, so it took forever to see the results of my changes. Anyhow... I just didn't want to give up and in the end decided to publish my efforts in a smaller format. The round shape was actually Martin's idea (he was desperate to have me finish the excruciating process that I got him involved in too). However, I had had this thought at the back of my mind for some time that I should consider using new shapes for my photographs. It's not easy to decide to lose a lot of your footage, so I just had to be hard on my inclination to keep it all! It is what it is technically speaking - my hands are tied for lack of funds.

The End is a New Beginning from Vivi-Mari Carpelan on Vimeo.

I've been thinking about water a great deal lately, as it's close to my own heart for a whole host of reasons, but is also one of the most powerful yet simple symbols there is. Water is probably the most primordial symbol of creative potential and its manifestation, of the unconscious as well as its expression through emotions and intuition. Many cultures have imagined that life started out as a sea without light, not unlike our existence in the womb. As the eternally recurring cycle of death, rebirth and regeneration is contained in this symbol, the footage and how I have presented it, as well as the music, reflects the idea of change and transition to a new state or level of being.

Themes that have always spoken to me, and that I now find myself resurrecting, are -
creativity and its origin
dualism and how to transcend it through paradoxes
natural and spontaneous versus unnatural and inhibited
the limitlessness of spirit versus the limitations of human life
the nature of the subconscious mind and how it relates to the consciousness
the cycles of existence, eternal recurrence and evolution
and lately also
individual consciousness/unconscious in relation to collective consciousness/unconscious

- all themes to do with the fabric of existence that no doubt interest only a select few, though I think it really should interest everyone! At university, I got bored studying modern philosophy and only found satisfaction when I started to dig into all this kind of stuff.

This project will no doubt be followed by more water-related projects. Please see my previous blog post for more musings about water in the sixth soundscape for Music for Liminal Times.

CREATIVITY WILL SET YOU FREE!

... or at least it might. It's my belief that creativity is at the very heart of the fabric of our reality, i.e. that it has an ontological status. It's all about being and becoming - and therefore, I also believe that as human beings, creativity is the most fundamental element of our existence. It is what has allowed us to become, i.e. to evolve into increasingly self-aware and complex beings who aren't just in the world, but also add to it in substantial ways. Creativity also exists elsewhere in nature but the lack of self-awareness in other species make their creativity look a bit different and more subtle. 

The ontology of creativity was in fact the subject for my Master's thesis back in '99. In spite of this, I don't suppose I quite grasped the massive implications until just recently. What it really means is that you'll be alright as long as you can keep your creative juices flowing. It is the one thing that will help you through the challenges of life because while you're creative, you're in touch with the very life force itself. Sadly, in our decadent society we lose touch with this energy more often than not, and go about life in a deploringly mechanical way. One has to become conscious of the value of creativity in one's own life and try and keep the flame alive. There are at least two things you can do to support this process. One is to engage in creative activities regularly, and not fall into a rut, and the other is to meditate at least once a day for a minimum of 20 minutes (preferably 30 or 40). Focus on allowing your energies free flow and feel the rise of the energy from the very base of your being and imagine how it connects with your mind. Of course you also need to try and avoid giving into self-doubts and the need to please other people, which obstructs the natural creative flow and takes away from your feelings of accomplishment (see previous blog entry).

My latest sound collage references Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's famous theory about creativity and flow and imagines what the creative process might sound like. The experience of creative flow is a peak experience and therefore, I would argue, also liminal in nature (see previous posts). The creative process in itself is, however forever ongoing unless obstructed. This piece contains many references to space and water, two powerful symbols of creativity. One suggests that it can be an otherworldly experience that has something in common with flying, and the other that it requires a connection with the intuitive and emotional world of the subconscious mind.


You can also hear it here on SoundCloud, but the version above is slightly improved.

These two polarities are therefore metaphorical of two areas of our inner selves, the lower and higher regions of the psyche or the two ends of the spectrum of consciousness. To make it easier to imagine, consider this image. In Hinduism, there are two god figures, Shakti and Shiva, that represent these energies. Shakti (earthy, watery) lies within the unconscious sphere as raw, physical energy required for all forms of conception as well as the very potential out of which creative manifestations arise, and Shiva (ethereal) is pure consciousness, i.e. the spiritual aspect that manifests as creative inspiration. They are said to be in a dance-like play with each other while giving rise to our personal and collective reality. You could say that these forces function as theses - antitheses = synthesis. In a sense they represent a mentality of generosity in a personal as well as impersonal way. I believe this is how our reality arises all the time, without cessation.

If we live naturally we will automatically be creative (as artists we just happen to make art but it could be any other pursuit). It's really a wonderful thing that should be celebrated. Our subconscious mind is an immense storehouse of ideas and I believe we must let it come out the way it wants to come out, and not question it. We will then express who we truly are. I find it helps a bit to try and believe that we all have great creative potential outside of our normal consciousness.

The soundscape wasn't easy to construct, as it was quite complicated. I didn't plan what to put in it but advanced in an intuitive way, gradually getting the bits together. I listen for all sorts of sounds that make sense to me, based on some general idea about the atmosphere and message. I thought the piece was going to be more about the state of flow but in actual fact it became more about the process. Towards the very end I had to ask Martin what he thought of a couple of issues. I took his suggestions to heart but all the changes are my own. All the found sounds need to be stringed together in a way that makes sense. Sure it will sound like a collage, because it is one, but it  also has to make a sense in a musical way. The snippets of melody (a few of which I constructed from entirely from scratch, i.e. from single notes) are suggestive of the way the research phase of the creative process, when various ideas present themselves and beg to be tested. There are also times when it all feels difficult and one might even feel stuck. Once a sense of flow sets in, it's like flowing with a stream but also diving deep into the bubbly underwater world of the subconscious mind. The tinkly sounds represent excited, creative energy. The piece starts with some space sounds from the Earth's atmosphere and ends with it too, because we always have return to Earth after our adventures in other spaces (don't we?).

Once the piece was finished, ironically, I just couldn't think of an evocative title - everything seemed banal. Referencing the famous creativity researcher's Mihaly Csikszentmihaly's amazing Hungarian name (/ˈmiːhaɪ ˌtʃiːksɛntməˈhaɪ.iː/ mee-hy cheek-sent-mə-hy-ee) in the title was in fact Martin's idea - rather tongue-in-cheek. He also suggested "chill out mix" which is quite funny. In the end I settled for a simpler title that suggests that the only way we can be truly happy within ourselves is by being in touch with the creative spark.

In this TED talk, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi asks, "What makes a life worth living?" Noting that money cannot make us happy, he looks to those who find pleasure and lasting satisfaction in activities that bring about a state of "flow." (from the TED website).

TRAILER FOR TRACES, A MULTIMEDIA PROJECT

I seem to have failed to post about the trailer Martin and I finished a while ago! I created the visual show and Martin the soundscape. This is in preparation for the complete project, which should be about 20 mins long. If I have an opportunity to go and collect more material, i.e. abstract photos from the original source in Finland, there may be two parts. I would love to, as I would like to have more images to play around with, but at the moment we can't afford to eat, let along pay a visit to my home country.

Please choose the highest resolution for viewing, and view it full screen!

TRACES

Trailer for a multimedia show based on abstract images by Vivi-Mari Carpelan and music by husband Martin Herbert. This project idea is based on the use of koans in Asian Buddhism.

The work should disrupt so-called "functional fixedness" in the viewer, breaking old cognitive patterns and helping the brain make new connections. "Mind-wandering" that is neither too focused nor too slack is beneficial to a receptive state of mind, conducive to creative thinking. This is not really meditation, but rather an exercise in "a fresh look on life".

The gently flowing yet dynamic feel of the multimedia show should lull the viewer into a contemplative state of being. Inspiration has been derived from the ancient Japanese tradition of the koan, a story or statement that is ultimately absurd, offered to Buddhist disciples as a way of breaking old cognitive patterns, i.e. the mental "rut" humans get stuck in. The statements are meant to help the disciples drop their rational minds and become susceptible to the greater mystery of life.

Ideally, we want this shared subjective encounter to inspire people to question the rationale behind the frantic process of dashing about the planet in a state of semi-functionality.

The title references the marks that people have left behind while simply doing their job. Successive layers of paint, repeatedly stencilled or painted signs and lettering and the corrosion express the convergence of cultures, communication as well as the universal concepts of decay, the passing of time and the echo of history - all of surprising aesthetic value.

My fascination with creativity, the many forms of linguistic expression in different cultures as well as belief systems around the world were at the core of my MA at Helsinki University. This, as well as my very personal and first hand concerns with the psychology and physiology of stress, are all behind this artistic venture.

The finished multimedia show will be about 20 mins long.

David Drake of the prestigious Ffotogallery in Cardiff has offered personal comments on the photos, and encouraged taking the project further.

This project is in line with my research into fatigue and invisible illness, notably the category that holds solutions rather than just problems.

WHAT ARE THE REAL REASONS FOR THE ART I'M ENGAGING IN NOW?

Vivi-Mari Carpelan: "Your Indifference is Breaking My Heart", copyright 2012.
Read more about this piece in my previous blog post.

Why do I make the kind of art I'm doing at the moment? What's behind the desire to get social messages across, and why am I much less interested in expressing spiritual viewpoints? 

I found at some point that spiritual interests just weren't taking me any further. I felt I knew what there was to know and so further investigations and research just wasn't that interesting any longer. I became increasingly concerned with the way things really are in the gritty reality I am in, and this was all up to a certain maturation. It became a question of finding something that worked better for me in relation to society at large. In fact, I feel that as I've gotten older I've started to have a greater desire of real integration into society, and this is mirrored in what I do.

Rather than engaging is solipsist ideals about another dimension I am asserting a place within this dimension. It also means that my art work is not always pleasant, because I am expressing questions about whether I really have a place in society or not... I can now see that my art had to take a turn in this direction. I can no longer avoid the burning issue of my role in society as such, and it also means that I am sometimes having to be assertive and confrontational. I think that when I was younger, I thought I could carve out a niche all my own without much regard for the rest of the world. That just doesn't seem possible any more. My relocation to a larger society has thrown the questions of what society really is straight in my face... I cannot turn away the way I used to do when I was in a familiar and much less extensive environment.

My work is certainly not without a certain spiritual background, but there is no need to make it obvious. It's just there... I miss it's more pertinent presence a little - I miss the comfort of thinking about those things for hours every day and the ease with which I was making friends because we could share those thoughts. It has all changed and nothing is that simple any more.

I'd like to be a spokesperson for all those who are chronically ill and therefore chronically fatigued, but I can't really be one unless I engage them in my art work. I have been thinking about this; with support from the Arts Council I would have tried to do this. At the moment I am nonetheless quite content with just expressing my own feelings. Doing research outside of myself would have been quite tiring, and the truth is I haven't had a great deal of energy to spare. I may eventually do something on a smaller scale - we'll see. I would probably also have had to do more of my photography because that seemed to interest the Arts Council (perhaps because it was easier for them to comprehend). At the moment I'm quite content just taking photos as the opportunities come along and keep collecting a body of work. Provided I got an ink jet printer, printing it all out would be a huge job, again something quite exhausting. I would like to eventually, but maybe now is not quite the right time for a big exhibition of photography. I rather wait a little, and see...

As for my collages, well I'll give it another year and see if it takes me somewhere or not. If not, then I have to assume that it's just not meant to, and continuing to stress over it is only harming myself. I will tuck away a lot of my older art for the moment so I don't have to keep seeing it. I don't suppose I can stop being creative but I can stop trying to get it all out there.

Vivi-Mari Carpelan: "In Flight", digital photograph copyright 2012

RELEASING TWO PIECES OF ART FOR "PROJECT X"

Vivi-Mari Carpelan: "Affected by X I (1/2)", copyright 2012

Vivi-Mari Carpelan: "Fragmented by X II (1/2)", copyright 2012

So... after a considerable amount of scanning, fixing flaws on the scans, and stitching all together, I am now ready to release these two recent collages into the world... Having said that, the process was made easier by the fact that I got a scanner for free from Freecycle that is about as good as the old one but is compatible with my reasonably new laptop! It's not a flat one like the really crappy one we tried a year ago. It needs to have space for some depth of field. The only thing is that my laptop is starting to have problems with big files. It's constantly freezing up and it's driving me up the wall... 

I wrote some about the first piece in a previous blog post. The the two pieces, which are two aspects of the affliction with X, feature photos of myself, photos I've taken of the Finnish winter by the Baltic Sea, some medical reports from Finland about my condition and pages from my diary. The pieces is about strength and weakness. The black garments represent the affected areas. The medallion "wallpaper" is as usual a symbol of "cover up", but the cover up is always as elegant as possible so as to counteract what really goes on beneath the surface (pain, fatigue, despair, hopelessness, discomfort, negative body image, etc).

In the first piece, "Affected by X", I'm talking about the dual, conflicting aspects of invisible illness.

Firstly, I think it's quite clear that the condition is not very obvious in these photographs though it's physically present and possible to detect. There is something not revealed as I am partially covered up in black fabric. Not only is it the affliction not obvious, but I also don't really want it to be obvious. Perhaps life would be easier in some ways if people could see what was wrong. On the other hand, most people instinctively strive towards blending in with other people, and not standing out as abnormal. The first conflict is thus the one where a person wishes acknowledgement that they are not up to living a normal life, yet also choose to hide it as much as possible for fear of becoming an outcast, "thrown on the dump". 

The second paradox is that while one is sometimes obliged to give in to one's weaknesses so that one can pace oneself and not overdo the chores of daily life, one often also develops stubbornness and strength of character. Personally, I have always fought the humiliating state of being a weak individual and so the two upper images portray my attitudes of defiance, dignity and fighting spirit. 

Thirdly, there are medical reports that portray the various aspects of illness in an objective, detached way, which is in obvious contrast to the subjective experience of it. These two portrayals may be equally true yet not truly compatible.

The fact is, many areas of the body are affected but not all of them, or only very little. The head and the eyes are definitely areas linked with cognitive difficulties, but the idea of not seeing is also symbolic of inability to perform or the inability of being able to predict what the next moment or next day has in store. Living with such a condition enhances a lack of basic security, and even more so as medicine is of very little help. 

The second piece, "Fragmented by X", is first and foremost about creativity. Creativity helps you find solutions in every day life but can also help analyse problems and set the straight, as well as offer an outlet for frustration. The pages from my diary radiate outwards like rays of a sun. They talk about how I was frequently feeling, where I would go to sit on the cliffs by the sea in order to be inspired, but also about solutions and ways of enhancing creativity in a more theoretical light. On the other hand, entropy seems to be lurking around every corner. The drawings portray men and women whose bodies express fatigue and despair. The phrases that surround them are various complaints that people express in their heads or out loud. The reason these are in Swedish is because I feel I can connect with these ways of expression in a way I can't in English. They express things such as "I'm of no use", "I'm a loser", "I can't go on", "It's hopeless", "I'm so fucking tired", "I wish I was dead", "no one can help me", "goddammit", etc. When I was thinking of various exclamations and general complaints I actually started to feel really bogged down. This is how powerful negative words can be. So in this piece there is the positive strife for a more constructive and creative way of life, and the eternal struggle not to fall prey to hopelessness and despair.

The pieces, which are structured around the X, talk about my background through photos of the Finnish winter; the solitude of the shoreline, the rather harsh climate and the generally speaking rather unemotional environment. Still, it's also an environment that fosters what we call "sisu", i.e. a form of power of will and tenacity that is often considered peculiar to the Finnish. I feel that I can get away from it all in Finnish nature in a way that is not possible in the UK. The other aspect of my identity is the fact that the words are in Swedish. In my next piece, there will be words in English because that particular aspect of my life is one I tend to express in English. Underneath it all, there is a wish to consolidate the various aspects of my identity as I tend to feel rootless and insecure.

They are fairly large pieces and it was as usual very hard for me to focus and get it right. I had to do a lot on the computer, which is tiring, and then cut things very neatly, which is nowadays very difficult as one has to be able to focus well and have very steady hands. I know the handmade aspect shows, but crafting my collages by hand is one of those things that I don't want to give up because I feel that it adds emotional value to them.

POST SCRIPTUM: After some contemplation I have arrived at this summary about the two pieces:

The two pieces form a diptych about the fight against fragmentation of the body and mind. It's is part of a larger project called "Project X", an attempt to make invisible illness visible. X stands for many things, among others "crossing out" and "marking a spot" - here it often denotes an ailment unknown to the viewer. The two images feature photos of myself posing with black garments covering the afflicted areas and unable to see how my life might unfold due to the condition. There are photos I've taken of the Finnish winter by the Baltic Sea (the harsh climate is partly a source of the strength of will typical of people of the North - there is a paradox in that snow symbolizes emotional coldness but can also have a comforting quality), some coldly objective medical reports from Finland about my condition that contrast with my subjective experience, and pages from my diary. The "wallpaper" is a symbol typical in my art, as it represents "cover up".

The first image is about external strength and weakness, the second piece about internal ditto and more specifically about creativity that radiates from the centre. The grids represent the attempt to hold everything together in the face of the pertinent entropy and fragmentation that threatens the afflicted person on a daily basis.  The pieces also speak of a complicated kind of eternal cultural identity crisis and problem with belonging - this is represented by the presence of text in Finnish and Swedish, and the shape of the pieces are reminiscent of the Finnish and the British flags. For instance phrases that surround the drawn characters burdened with fatigue are various complaints that people express in their heads or out loud. They are in my mother tongue Swedish because I feel I can connect with these ways of expression in a way I cannot in English. They express feelings such as "I'm a loser", "I can't go on", "It's hopeless", "I'm so fucking tired", "I wish I was dead", etc. As I was thinking of various exclamations and general complaints I actually started to feel really bogged down - such is the power of negative thought.

'There is something not revealed as I am partially covered up in black fabric. Not only is it the affliction not obvious, but I also don't really want it to be obvious.'

Ultimately, I am on a journey of discovery - is it always possible to triumph over adversity? The challenges of my life have been many, and often I was faced by problems that seemed impossible to disentangle. Very often I did it nonetheless. I want to see if there is a way in which disability not only teaches us about humility, compassion and the value of diversity, but also has a place in a human life that would be lacking in intrinsic value if it was too perfect.

FINDING ONE'S WAY BACK TO THE INNER SPACE

"The Blessing", copyright 2008

I have felt somewhat depressed that there seems to be no room for my art in today's world. For some reason, I have been ignored quite a bit recently and sometimes I'm no more than Martin's wife. A year ago, we curated a summer exhibition in Hanko in Finland together, but I received no mention. It was mostly because the Society's chairman is a moron. Similar situations have arisen a few times since then. I have also noticed and been told that women here in the UK are treated worse by other women than men are. I hope it just a coincidence that I often get overlooked. Martin argues that it takes a long time to become familiar to the media here in Wales. All social phenomena seem to take a long time - it's not really what I'm used to. Anyway, it feels odd that people have such scanty interest in a foreign artist.

I often have dreams about different homes I've lived in. They symbolize the inner room. In the dream I had last night I went home to a flat in an old house in a city. I had only occupied a small space for quite some time, but realized when I stepped into the house that it was actually quite large. The problem was that I shared with another woman whose name I could not remember. I also realized that she no longer used the house and that maybe I could take over altogether (apparently money wasn't a big problem at this stage). I tried to get her over the phone but her name was not the the same as the one on the door. I walked around the apartment and discovered how big it was, with both large and small rooms that invited to interesting arrangements. My mom asked me if the view was any good. There was quite a large window with small glass panels, and the view was not that interesting. I figured it didn't really matter if I was able to make the flat cozy. The wallpaper had been painted over in a nice way and the wooden floorboards were in good condition. 

The dream symbolizes the realization that I should try and eliminate all the anonymous artists that bother me from my mind, and try and do what I can do artistically without concerning myself so much with whatever happens outside of myself. The view was not so important - in other words, it is not so important what is going on outside of me. I have plenty of internal space to work in - there's a space full of possibilities. I must begin to remain in there in earnest. And so I am closing the door on me - hard.

"Noli Me Tangere" (Touch me not), copyright 2008

Spiritual perspective: In the inner space, you can at best find the void, the sea of creative potential that is the basis for our existence, from which creative ideas emerge. During the creative process one moves up and down different levels of consciousness.  At best, it's not just a question of fishing up material from the subconscious mind, but also to illuminate the process from a spiritual perspective. It is through awareness, mindfulness, that we can get in touch with the kind of creativity that makes a difference.