EVENTUALLY, IT WILL ALL BE IN YOUR MIND, TOO

Vivi-Mari Carpelan: "Elsewhere, and the Stars Above",
handmade mixed media collage
copyright 2013

After a lot of video editing, I decided I should try and work with some physical media again. I didn't have any specific idea but this is what I came up with this time. Encouraged by the fact that Outside In has invited two of my "Project X" pieces (and very blatant they are too!) to Outside In West in Somerset House, Taunton (July-September), I have decided to try and persevere with Project X and the ideas surrounding invisible illness and fatigue in particular.

You may not have "real" mental issues, and your illness may not be "all in the head", but sooner or later, the issues with a chronically decripit body will get to your psyche. This image is meant to describe the sense that life goes on somewhere else, while the disabled person is a prisoner in a decripit body that they feel less than proud of. And of course, it's not just about what the body looks like (personally, I'm a master of camouflage), but what it feels like to the person in question. The old suite is the emblem of poor body image - can you guess what it originally was? As usual in my art, wallpaper  signifies the idea of covering something up. Red stands for blood (life, energy) and stars for hope and dreams... and where the seat of the life force should be, there's a black hole.

WHY JOIN THE DISABILITY ARTS AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

Myself giving an artist's talk at a DAC,
Disability Arts Cymru launch event in May 2012

Someone asked me why I would want to label my art as disability art. I'm sure it all looks quite mysterious to the outside world. Well, to be honest, I'm still not sure how useful it is as the art has to be able to stand on its own regardless, and real practical support is hard to come by. However, it's something I had try out when I realized that there is such a community and tradition in the making. I was clearly no longer able to compete with able bodied artists, and it was not about trying to take an easy route as some people seem to think. Rethinking my approach was a pure necessity, and I gained a few things from this new way of thinking throughout 2012 . Here are some of my points;

Anyone who is disabled and creates art is a disabled artist. They can be deaf, dumb, blind, bound to a wheel chair with spinal injuries from an accident, suffer from chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, arthritis or any other disease that is more or less debilitating. I didn't know this until I discovered the supportive community for disabled artists and art here in Wales. Most people encounter some form of disability in their lives so there is no need to think of disabled people as very different from "the normal" human beings. Whether we like it or not illnesses are a fundamental part of our lives. Most people gain from a supportive and positive community even if it's only in a moral and emotional way.

Of course the definition of disability arts is controversial - but I won't go into that as it's all a bit complicated (you can read about various view points on the internet). Some of the disability art reflects peoples' disabilities, but usually it's not expected, or a condition even. Of course, some of my art does reflect these issues and it's seen as a positive thing by some people who help govern these communities. The disability arts in general is basically a community that supports the battle against inequality. Just as people have accessibility issues in the physical world - athletes being a case in point - artists with disabilities have accessibility issues in terms of how they are being treated and what kind of opportunities they have compared to able bodied people. Not least, as in my own case, a matter of not managing on the "normal world's" terms. I'm not sure the support is sufficient in my case though because I'm still considered "too articulate" and have "too great a body of work" behind me (in the Arts Council's rather devastating words since suddenly being good wasn't right). It's terrible politics in the end that govern who gets really useful support.

Outsider artists meet similar criteria, they get help to exhibit their work from charities such as Outside In because their disadvantaged position makes it too difficult for them to compete with "normal" and able bodied artists. In reality, these people tend more often than not to have serious mental issues and even a low mental age, and the art work is more often than not the kind of art that the art world doesn't recognise as valid art. I'm clearly on the fringe of this group of people, and I can see that it's the extremer end of the spectrum that gets most of the attention within this community.

The art world is ruthless, and this is something that has become even clearer to me while in Britain, and it's also something I have decided not to participate in any more. Part of my problem has been trying to push myself beyond my limits to compete with able bodied artists, and it simply wasn't working. I have been feeling burnt out and lacking in the joy of creating. As it was putting me under extreme pressure I decided to join these groups of marginal art. But - having tried it out I'm not sure it's right for me either. It's not so much being part of these groups per se, as being part of anything at all. Sometimes I feel more like an uber-outsider, someone who is always on the outside of everything, including that which is already on the fringes... perhaps it sounds a bit big headed but I simply don't know if I am able to be part of any community for real, so far I haven't found one that would meet with my needs in a really snug way. I continue to support the disability arts and fight prejudice, but other than that I don't know what lies ahead and how I'd like to define my art in the future.

EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY FOR TOMORROW YOU WON'T DIE

Vivi-Mari Carpelan: "Be Merry for You Won't Die", 60x45cm copyright 2012 

It's time to publicize my recent piece in the series "Project X". I expect to use the cross in all images as the leading thread. Here, I ideas related to fibromyalgia developed. When your tender points are being tested and you're given a diagnosis, very often the doctor will tell you that you have very little to worry about since you won't die from it (the papers have "it won't kill you" spelled onto them). This is a stupid cliche that should be banned. What someone afflicted with this condition has in front of them is a life time of pain, fatigue, insomnia and a general insecurity about the future and how they will be able to cope with life's challenges. Initially, it was going to be a piece about the fallacy of excess positive thinking but this is what evolved instead. Your life, your future, is crossed out, you may try and take a positive stand (and of course you should try your best in this regard) but you are still going to remain in the realm of the unknown and stand on unstable ground, sometimes flattened by the weight of your ailment. 

Medicine, symbolized by serpents, is of no use, of course. One serpent is dead and the other is an imaginary sea creature, perhaps also a symbol of the unconscious and the realm of emotions. Flies and mosquitoes symbolize the irritation and being kept awake that is connected to insomnia. In the early days of the discovery of this condition and others such as ME, people were often told it was only in their head - and of course this happens still today, especially in regards to insomnia. 

The row of black windows indicate the people who don't look, don't see, and don't understand. Black lace could be a sign of mourning but also that the ugly truth is often covered up with a nicer idea of reality.

THE ART OF BECOMING HUMAN AND MY NEW ART

Vivi-Mari Carpelan: "Affected by X", copyright 2012

Project "X" marks a change of direction in my art. I got some ideas for new work in a new style, inspired by a lot of encouragement from the disability arts community but also people who support outsider art. If I am to continue doing collages, I feel it has to be for the specific purpose of highlighting social issues through my own life's experience. I have always used myself in this way, I don't feel comfortable moving too far away from the subjective experience of life. However, as this image shows I have decided to be braver in my approach... this photo is not of very good quality and a better one will appear some time soon... 

The work features photos of myself, photos I've taken of the Finnish winter by the Baltic Sea, and various medical reports from Finland about my condition. It was a bit upsetting to work with these reports, that state personal facts with such detachment. The piece is about strength and weakness. The black garments represent the affected areas. The medallion "wallpaper" is as usual a symbol of "cover up". It's fairly large and it was as usual very hard for me to focus and get it right. I had to do a lot on the computer, which is tiring, and then cut things very neatly, which is not my strength (I'm sure a lot of people are familiar with the frustrations of missing a few millimetres where it's really important!). It's mostly handmade so it was a lot to deal with - I refuse to do too much trickery on the computer. It didn't help that the laser printer has some problem with printing black. And my studio is just way too small, and I'm too disorganised when I get inspired! Disability has many faces...

I have been invited to participate in a group show about art related to the metaphysical world of Giorgio de Chirico in Weston Super Mare. Of course, it's right down my alley. I mean not literally, of course, as this seaside town really is out of the way. I have asked other artists whether they thought it was worth it, opinions vary. Sadly I will have to decline because of the submission fee of £ 200. I'm sure it's reasonable but I can't afford it. I will wait until someone wants to represent me and support me rather than just take my money for the privilege of getting one more gallery onto my CV. In any case, I refuse to enter the art game in which the artist needs to be wealthy in order to get represented.

Oh and I finally secured the dates for the Milkwood Gallery in Cardiff, a non-profit gallery and shop. My exhibition starts on the 4th of June and ends on the 25th. The retrospective will mark the end of an era...

Vivi-Mari Carpelan: "Entangled for Life" copyright 2003

THE ART OF BECOMING HUMAN

Retrospective: 10 years of handmade collages

In this exhibition I will be showing as many of my handmade collages as will possibly fit the walls of the lovely Milkwood Gallery. The themes I have been grappling with over the past ten years are mostly emotional, as my attention turned from a more theoretical attitude to life to one that was about living life for real. I was contemplating destiny and expressing feelings of being bound to one that for many reasons I couldn't escape. Ultimately, it was a sense of purpose rather than nihilism, albeit at a price. Life often felt like a kind of sacrifice for the acquisition of greater wisdom and understanding. As always, my images express paradox, as the hard lessons of life usually have a constructive side to them. Learning about emotions is learning how to be more human.

A COLLAGE ABOUT INVISIBLE ILLNESS "X"

So I finished the big collage that has been featured piece meal in previous blog posts. I was really hoping to create an arresting image of life with a chronic, but fairly invisible illness. Realizing that most people wouldn't be very interested in my personal experience, I hoped to create a general atmosphere that many other marginalized people can identify with, and possibly others with some empathy and brains.

What my message really boils down to is feeling neglected and bypassed by society, but there is also a strength in being able to have an outsider's point of view. As usual, I have hoped to express a paradox or double message of suffering and alienation but also strength of character and a possible insight into the deeper layers of life. People with disabilities are not just weak individuals. Very often illness can teach them lessons of life that other people can only dream of (if they care, that is). Of course, it's a sign of a civilized society that it takes care of its weaker individuals. But our society still has a long way to go. It needs to stop bickering over power and border issues - these tend to go round in circles as that which is being destructed has to be mended. It needs to start focusing on the real needs of its members and those who are healthier and wealthier obviously need to take more responsibility for the whole.

"X - Surviving in the World of the Fitter" (56x76cm) Vivi-Mari Carpelan copyright 2011

Second version of the picture above... an attempt to make the figure a bit less "in your face2,
especially as there are some issues with it that I don't know how to fix.
I also wanted to tie in the top bit with the lower bit a bit more.

"X" stands for many things. X marks a spot - this is where the problem lies (it's invisible to the viewer so must be marked with a sign). X is an unknown denominator (in mathematics x is commonly used as the name for an independent variable or unknown value) - often when it comes to physiological problems, the causes and effects are not known or well defined and even diagnoses can be elusive. X signifies a multiplication operation - physical symptoms have a tendency of multiplying over time as one thing leads to another. X has crossed something off or out. X-rays reveal physiological disturbance invisible to the eye. X can replace the signature of someone who is illiterate - this could symbolize the inability to fit in. In some countries (such as Finland where I come from) X is commonly used instead of a tick in a box - I tick all the boxes for someone who is crossed out of society, for instance.

There are also the X-files, which are not open to the general public due to their abnormal nature, and X-rated i.e. censored material which is also available only to the chosen few or those who especially choose to partake in this material. During the plagues, X's were drawn on the doors of those afflicted with it. "Shunning someone like the plague comes to mind...".

But most of all, X is an abstract sign that points to a concrete phenomenon.

As I'm sure anyone can see, the bottom half (from which the figure is more or less cut off for better and for worse) only comprises men and some animals. I decided to omit women in order to stress that we are still obeying patriarchal values and that they obviously don't work very well. However, I would say that people in general are responsible for the state of society and it would be false to portray only high powered authorities as responsible for the chaotic state of affairs.

In reality there are so many social issues to make art about, but it's not easy to find a visual language that is precise without being trite and banal.

This piece has now been sent off to be evaluated by a panel of (as far as I can tell) high powered curators for the Oriel Davies open art exhibition nearby. They ask for an artist's statement of no more than 100 words. I don't know whether it's a good thing or not. Sometimes I think it's useful to have to compress my intentions, and I'm sure it's easier on the judges too... I find that I need to rewrite my statement each time I enter something, because my focus always changes even if it's ever so slightly.

I have now decided to see what I can gain from going with the flow, i.e. find a way of practising art as a disabled artist. It has been a hard decision to make, probably because there is no such thing in Finland unless you have severe learning difficulties... In which case we're not really talking art but therapy (in most cases anyway). However upon some research (which often happens in the form of asking around, and I cannot stress enough how well this works over here) I have found that there is a niche for anyone who is marginalized by society whether it be due to mental problems, physical health problems or financial problems.I joined a gallery called Outside In which is precisely for the promotion of work by such artists, and it looks like there are exhibitions you can enter for free. This is very good news and one of the advantages of living in a big country like the UK. Charities abound. It's a bit strange and different but it's just as well to get used to it. I have also found out about something they call "surgery", a meeting for disabled artists to discuss their projects and needs for funding (as all of it is so much harder for those who lack in health). I am now a member of Disability Arts Cymru. What I am really hoping is to find the route of least resistance, and being able to relax a little rather than trying so desperately to keep up with the healthy lot.

Vivi-Mari Carpelan, a Finnish artist resident in Mid-Wales, has created symbolic images since 1991. Afflicted with a chronic illness since childhood, it comes naturally to her to explore emotional issues of belonging versus not belonging in a society mostly designed for people with wealth and health. Her work expresses paradox, as a fundamental and crucial characteristic of reality. While ill health and alienation are linked with shame and helplessness, these can also give rise to strength of character, deeper insights into matters of life and death, and the advantage of a more objective viewpoint in regards to society at large.

"Ephemeral Ways" (60x60cm), my second entry, created with real ephemera found in a derelict house in Kansas, and my own photo of an old graveyard with European immigrants. 
Copyright Vivi-Mari Carpelan 2007